Jonathan Redwater's Senior Dance Show Confuses Audiences


Jonathan Redwater, a senior at Miami University majoring in interpretive dance, opened his one man senior dance show this weekend to mixed reviews. The show, whose theme was "obsession and denial," dealt with Redwater's constant struggle with being a dwarf who is also manorexic. "I just don't have big enough cheek bones," Redwater said in an earlier interview, "so I'm going to dress up as a pork chop to make up for it."


Food was the centerpiece of much of the performance, including a large number of vibrating orange windsocks nailed to the floor representative of Cheetos. "This is my forest," Redwater noted after the show. "This is where I get lost. The Cheetos forest is like the big bad wolf in so many fairy tales; what little girls in them wanted was a perpetuation of their innocence. I also want this. That and to look taller."

Another part of Redwater's performance involved miming the act of sucking the cream out of long john donuts taped to the bodies of male students. "Contrary to what everyone thinks," Redwater was quick to mention in relation to this piece, "I'm not actually gay. I'd ask a girl out, but I can't seem to see above any of their legs to where their face is."

The highlight of the performance was when Redwater, now dressed as a can of lard, wheeled around in an electric scooter while making conjectures about chickens' lunar origins. "Feathers," Redwater stated during his performance, "are obviously alien or made out of trees or something." He then went on to recite that "both my parents are tall. I just don't know what I did to deserve this."

One of his professors was delighted with the performance. "This is like the baked potato of dance," he responded. But others were less enthusiastic. "How the hell can a manorexic dwarf be an interpretive dancer?" one of his classmates noted. Another was similarly negative, "You mean to tell me that a dwarf dressed as a pork chop is art? I can’t believe I paid 12 bucks to see this!!"